Because I do not hope to turn

Because I do not hope to turn again
Because I do not hope
Because I do not hope to turn
Desiring this man’s gift and that man’s scope
I no longer strive to strive towards such things
(Why should the agèd eagle stretch its wings?)
Why should I mourn
The vanished power of the usual reign?

Because I do not hope to know
The infirm glory of the positive hour
Because I do not think
Because I know I shall not know
The one veritable transitory power
Because I cannot drink
There, where trees flower, and springs flow, for there is nothing again

Because I know that time is always time
And place is always and only place
And what is actual is actual only for one time
And only for one place
I rejoice that things are as they are and
I renounce the blessèd face
And renounce the voice
Because I cannot hope to turn again
Consequently I rejoice, having to construct something
Upon which to rejoice

The above excerpt is from what is really my favorite T.S. Eliot poem – Ash Wednesday. What it says here speaks to me on a very, very basic level I guess. It’s been bouncing around my head for the last couple of days. In some ways it is relevant to what I’ve gone through lately. Thoughts of mortality, of the now and what has happened in my life.

It’s true I think. In the end what we have, what we know, only exists for a single time really. Our lives, and even then within moments of that life. I guess I’ve never been a religious man, though I’ve at times in my life wanted to believe in something more than just this world. In the end though I guess all I can really believe in is myself and in those I love. The narrator, coming to the end of his life, seeks the peace of God. He seeks salvation and forgiveness. While I don’t think salvation, or peace, can come from outside in that way, I understand the striving for it. I’ve always worked to attain peace in my life, and have at times looked for some kind of salvation. Who has and does not at some point in their life?

One line always sticks with me, and I am not sure I understand it fully even after all this time… “Teach us to care and not to care”

Technorati Tags: poetry, ash wednesday, t.s. eliot